July 21st

Today I'm covering another one of those mini-holidays, but the name and concept for this one is going to make me lose my mind. "Bring a Monkey to Lunch Day". Who even comes up with these, I must be thinking? Okay, this one is more of a metaphor and has to do with censorship and evolution and unfair laws, but you are still supposed to share food with a primate today, so I'm focusing on that. I think the hard part about this one would be ethically acquiring a monkey. Like, finding a monkey is hard enough, but like half the people who could provide a monkey might not be concerned with the monkey's long-term well-being. I guess find the closest well reputed zoo or sanctuary and have your lunch among the primates. That, or just eat with monkey footage on in the background as a monkey lunch simulator if you are busy. [EDITOR’S NOTE: Tom, I respect your creative decision to research the apparently deeply political origins of Bring a Monkey to Lunch Day and then explain absolutely none of it. Out of respect, I will not clarify a dang thing.]